30 Reasons Canada is Cool!

I recently posted about Canadian Myths that won't die, and after a barrage of emails from family, friends, (and one politician), I knew I needed to balance the books a little - OK, I had to write something HUGELY positive about Canada to offset those who hold tightly to the myths I busted.

So, here is my  30 reasons that I think Canada is WAY cooler than the USA.
To my US Friends: relax, I still like you.

Our taste in chocolate is better: Everyone knows we have loads of chocolate candy varieties you can’t get in the U.S.—Coffee Crisp, Aero, Smarties—but earlier this year Hershey’s said it re-engineered its chocolate recipe to better appeal to Canadian palates. A Hershey’s spokesperson said Canadians prefer smoother and sweeter chocolate compared to the “grittier or even cheesier flavour” chocolate found in America.

Our Canadian bacon is better than their Canadian bacon: This can get confusing, but try to follow along. When Americans buy “Canadian bacon,” they get a package of fully-cooked processed slices of ham, which Canadians don’t actually eat. Canadian bacon, on the other hand, isn't called that by Canadians. Instead it's peameal bacon, a Toronto creation of pickle-brine-cured pork loin rolled in cornmeal. It’s a travesty most Americans can’t tell the difference.

Our national symbol is a worthier animal: Yes, eagles soar high, have incredible eyesight and razor-sharp

talons. They’re also carrion-eating louts. As Ben Franklin once noted,
“I wish the Bald Eagle had not been chosen the Representative of our Country. He is a Bird of bad moral Character. He does not get his Living honestly ... like those among Men who live by Sharping & Robbing he is generally poor and often very lousy ... a rank Coward.”
The beaver, on the other hand, is a rugged, humble and industrious little creature (okay, rodent).

We live longer: Canadians born today will live an average of three years longer than Americans (81 years in Canada versus 78.7 south of the border). Not only that, the gap between life expectancy in the two countries is widening with each passing decade—it was less than a year in the late 1970s.

Saying “Sorry” is good for you: Canadians are mocked for always apologizing, but it’s not a character flaw. Saying sorry has been found to boost happiness and strengthen relationships. Researchers at the University of Waterloo even found apologizing to a cop when pulled over for speeding can get fines reduced an average of $51. True, scientists did recently claim that refusing to apologize for your actions leads to a sense of empowerment, but such short-sighted thinking would only appeal to self-centred Americans. (Sorry, that was mean.)

Giant American corporations associate with our unofficial mascot: Up to 80 per cent of the world’s polar bears are in Canada—Americans have to make do with polar bears in Coke commercials and on pop cans. 

Our lobsters taste better: It’s an endless debate between fishermen and chefs in the Maritime provinces and Maine. We claim the cooler waters of Canada spawn tastier crustaceans. Americans disagree. But most Maine lobster is processed in Canada anyway, so we dominate both ways. 

Our kids are all right: Canada’s schools take heat from all sides, but they must be doing something right. Our 15-year-olds routinely score in the top 10 of 65 countries that participate in the OECD’s reading, math and science tests. Last time around, in 2009, we were sixth, just behind Singapore and ahead of New Zealand. American teens? A lukewarm 17th. Ouch.

We’re better educated: 48.3 per cent of Canadians have a post-secondary degree, compared to 40.3 per cent in the U.S.

We’re fitter: The percentage of American adults who are obese is 35.9. In Canada, it’s 24.2.

We have more sex: According to a survey by condom-maker Durex, 59 per cent of Canadians say they have sex weekly, versus 53 per cent of Americans.

Better sea monsters: Both Ogopogo and the lesser-known monster in Lake Champlain have been captured on video in recent years. The U.S.’s most famous sea monster, Jaws, isn’t even real.

We drink less: Our alcohol consumption is 8.2 litres a year, compared to 8.7 in the U.S.

We’re richer: Canada’s average household net worth of $363,000 is higher than America’s, at $320,000.

More of us give to charities: Roughly 64 per cent of Canadians donate money to charities, compared to 60 per cent in the U.S.

We have better work-life balance: More than 11 per cent of U.S. employees regularly clock 50-hour work weeks, compared to 3.9 per cent here.

We brave the cold better: Our climate is colder and our population smaller, but relatively fewer of us succumb to the cold. Where Canada has 5,644 excess winter deaths (relative to average non-winter deaths), the U.S. sees 108,500.

We have more social mobility: If you want to live the American Dream, move to Canada. Social mobility, measured by intergenerational changes in income between sons and their fathers, is twice as high in Canada as in the U.S. In other words, a son born to a poor father in the U.S. is twice as likely to remain poor throughout his life than had he been born in Canada.

The money in your wallet is safer: Canadian currency once had a terrible reputation for being easy to counterfeit, but new polymer bills introduced by the Bank of Canada has hi-tech features that make them almost impossible to reproduce. Of the 500 million notes circulated since 2011, only 56 fakes have been seized. In the U.S., out of every 500 million bank notes in circulation, an estimated average 3, 250 are fakes.

We get more paid holidays: America has no mandated paid holidays or vacation time, so 23 per cent of U.S. workers get no paid time off, compared to Canadian workers who get at least two weeks and nine paid public holidays.

Our broadcast TV doesn't have to treat adults like children: Maybe it’s because Americans are such sensitive folk, or it’s our ill-defined role as cultural bridge between the U.S. and Europe, but Canadian TV regularly gets away with showing things broadcast networks south of the border can’t: nipples, F-bombs and the like. When The Sopranos aired unedited on CTV, executive producer David Chase said that could never happen on U.S. network TV: “It’s just not possible, we have rules against that.”

Unlike Americans, who wait for the rest of the world to learn English, Canadians get Oscar nominations for foreign-language films, and not just ones in French— Deepa Mehta's Hindi-language "Water" was nominated in 2007.

We have better football: Since the late 1970s, the National Football League has been tweaking its rules to encourage more passing—that is, to make the U.S. game more exciting. Up here, we got it right the first time: a three-down game on a great, big field. So on second and 10, you can bet that ball will be in the air.

We see more of the world: Last year Canadians took close to 10 million trips abroad to countries other than the U.S. Despite having a population nearly 10 times that of Canada, Americans made just 30 million trips overseas. The poor showing from U.S. travellers shouldn't be a surprise. While 65 per cent of Canadians hold a valid passport, only 35 per cent of Americans do.

Provincially, our leaders are (much) more representative of the gender divide: The governments of Ontario, Quebec, British Columbia, Alberta, Newfoundland and Labrador, and Nunavut are all led by females who are responsible for governing more than 87 per cent of Canada’s population. By comparison, America has just five female governors, and the vast majority of Americans live in male-governed states.

We have far fewer assassinations: Since Confederation, only three Canadian politicians have been assassinated, including two Fathers of Confederation: Thomas D'Arcy McGee was shot by a Fenian sympathizer in 1868; George Brown was shot in the leg by a former Globe employee in 1880 (the wound led to a fatal infection).  Quebec minister of labour Pierre Laporte was kidnapped and assassinated by the FLQ in 1970. In the United States, a staggering 44 politicians have been assassinated, including four sitting presidents.

We accept homosexuality: 80 per cent of Canadians say society should accept gays and lesbians, versus 60 per cent in the U.S.

We’re fine with gay politicians: While former New Jersey governor Jim McGreevey might be called the first (and only) “openly gay” governor in American history, it doesn't really count if you resign as soon as you come out of the closet. In Canada, not only is Ontario Premier Kathleen Wynne openly gay, but her sexual orientation barely factors into coverage of Ontario politics. With all the scandals to beset Queen's Park, the premier’s personal life is the least shocking thing about Ontario’s government.

We don't have out-of-control prison sentences: Last year 38,700 people were serving time in Canada, roughly 114 for every 100,000 citizens. That’s nothing. In the U.S. 2.24 million Americans are locked up—716 for every 100,000 citizens, the highest incarceration rate in the world. Canada ranks 136th.